guest post by Clea Simon
I am not a kitten! I am a fully grown cat. For seven books now, seven entire outings by my primary person Dulcie Schwartz, I have been proving my value as a functional feline, and yet I still do not receive the respect I deserve.
Excuse me for starting off this way, but some things just make my fur stand on end. one of them, as you may have gathered, is when people – my people – do not take me seriously as an adult feline. Not to mention royal.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am both. To you, I may appear a rather, shall we say, roly-poly black and white tuxedo cat of female gender, roughly one year old. (I was rather young when I was adopted, and besides, a lady does not reveal her age.) once we have been correctly introduced, however, you will realize that I am La Principessa Esmeralda. Esmé for short, among those who owe me obeisance. but “Kitten”? enough of that.
I’ll admit, the lack of respect is only part of the problem. You see, now that Dulcie, my principal human attendant, is helping out with this academic conference, she is also shorting the homage due to me, as her current ruling cat. Yes, of course I understand that Dulcie has a so-called profession to deal with. She’s been working on that dissertation of hers for longer than I have been with the household. And, yes, she has explained that academics from all around the world have come to Cambridge, and that as the departmental liaison, she has a distinct opportunity to meet and mingle with them all. and I know that she didn’t expect them all to behave as badly as they have been – with the backbiting and the jealousy, the clandestine romances and the sabotage that gives “catfighting” a bad name. So, yes, such goings-on will take up some of her time. but still….
And it’s not just me. My other human, Chris, has been noticing how busy Dulcie has been. I believe they make a good team: one of them typically remembers my treats, and Chris is particularly useful with the tummy rubs and the toy mice. But, really, Dulcie ought to make much more time for him, as well. I don’t like the way he’s been disappearing at night. I think there may be much more going on than Dulcie is aware of and its not just me who needs a little much more attention.
All of which might be forgiven if she would cease that demeaning mode of address. “Oh, Kitten,” she says, ignoring my apparent poise. “My thesis adviser has me running around in circles, and I’m so far behind in my writing and research I’ll never get my dissertation done. What am I going to do?”
Kitten? Really? I should try to control this humiliating purr, which keeps starting up whenever she strokes my silky black back. It’s bad enough my eyes close and my white front paws begin to knead involuntarily as she rubs the place behind my ears. If I don’t insist on some respect, how will I ever train my humans?
I could defer to Mr Grey, of course. As Dulcie’s previous cat, he does have a store of knowledge that I have yet to gather. and because he has moved onto the spirit realm, I don’t find him too obnoxiously present in our lives. At least, I don’t share my treats with him. possibly he would have some guidance for me – some words about how to deal with Dulcie and Chris. maybe how to help her, now that the conference seems to be falling apart and – can it be true? – a well-known academic has plummeted to his death. possibly then she could focus on what is really important.
No, not on her thesis – on me!
Esmé joins Dulcie, Chris, and Mr Grey in Grey Howl, the seventh Dulcie Schwartz feline mystery (Severn House), out this month.
Look for a review of Grey Howl here on The conscious cat soon!
Clea Simon is the author of the Dulcie Schwartz, Pru Marlowe and Theda Krakow mysteries and the nonfiction The Feline Mystique – On the Mysterious connection between Cats and Their women as well as several other nonfiction books. For much more information about Clea, please check out her site or her blog.
Photo at top of post Wikimedia Commons, inset ©Clea Simon, showing her cat Musetta as a kitten.
Ingrid King
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6 comments on No Respect: A Kitten Complains
Clea Simon says:
March 12, 2014 at 1:25 pm
We will try, Lynda. Noblesse oblige, after all.
Reply
Lynda says:
March 12, 2014 at 1:22 pm
Our sympathies La Principessa Esmeralda. Our human results to calling both of us “kitten” even though we are nearly two years old. but tension can do much to our poor human’s lives; they typically react without thinking….especially OUR human. maybe just humor Dulcie for a bit until she can begin to think things through.
Purrs and head butts from
Dante & Puck
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Maxwell, Faraday & Allie says:
March 12, 2014 at 9:27 am
Interesting! We may have to check this out! Faraday sympathizes with Esme – mother keeps callign him the baby of the Family!
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Clea Simonnull